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didn't know what was happening to me. I was in such pain, I fell on my hands and knees on the ground and was violently ill. I knew no one was coming. I knew there was no savior, no redemption, no forgiveness of sins. There was only horror on top of horror stacked to the bloody gates of heaven. The only thing we had to look forward to was the cold, murky nothingness of the grave, more pain...more blind, cold oblivion. My heart fell to depths I had never experienced. I didn't care if I lived or died. Nothing mattered, not my wife, my boys, nothing. My body and my eternal soul were more swill for the hogs of my childhood. I could hear my father's voice as I lay haunted and bitter on the musty earth.


I sat up and crawled over to the rock shelf. With my back stiff and my fingernails biting into my thighs, I forced my mind back to matters at hand. After a while, I decided I had limited choices. If my imaginary friend was legit, I needed to listen and get to work. It was clear enough from what he had said already that I was invited to a serious party. If he was the raving of my lunatic mind, I still needed to process whatever neurosis brought him into being. Once again, face him.


Fifteen minutes later I was on my way back to school. I had stopped to call the wife. Jessie's a great lady. I cooked up a weak story about what had happened at school and why I was coming home late. She didn't believe a word of it and told me so. Still, after exacting a promise that I would visit a doctor the next day, she let me off the hook without too many explanations. She said she'd be interested to hear about what was going on when I made it home. That's marriage shorthand for "If you expect to keep your manhood, you'll make a full and detailed report ASAP!"


I don't know why I thought I would have to return to the school to see him again. I guess I should have assumed he could pop in any old time he was ready, one of the advantages of being imaginary. Still after I got off the pay phone and crawled back in the Ford, I must have jumped a foot when he stuck his head in the window. "Hey Uncle Tom, could you buy me a Big Red?" He had that same cat ate the canary look on his face.