Wednesday, July 8, 2009

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"Good Morning," she looked at me quizzically after pulling the bagels out of the oven. "How are you feeling?" "Great, fine, awesome!" I embarrassed myself with my nervous overeaction. Now she'd be on me like mosquitos at a beach party. I walked into the living room and put Stevie Wonder on the stereo, Songs in the Key of Life, then walked back into the kitchen. She poured some coffee for us both. I knew I was trapped. Much as I wanted to, I knew there was no dodging her. "So tell me," she said "what's going on?"

I was doomed. I spilled my guts like a twelve year old caught with a girly magazine. I told her everything, the naked little black boy, the fainting on the playground, the scab on my fist, the sitting place, the visit in the parking lot and the dream. I said I knew it sounded crazy but I had to go with it. I said I wasn't sick, I knew it wasn't a hallucination and I wasn't any crazier than I had ever been. She rolled her eyes at that one...a good sign. I could tell I was scaring her but so far she hadn't made her mind up that I had flipped out or she wouldn't have shown any reaction at all.

From time to time she asked questions, particularly about my conversations with my imaginary friend. I answered as best I could. Parts of the conversation on the playground were cloudy. It was odd, something else seemed to be on her mind. After a while I asked her. "Is something else bothering you Jess?" "This is so crazy." She began. I started to defend myself. "No, I don't mean your story, it's Joseph..." I didn't see what our youngest had to do with this conversation. "What about Joey?" I asked.

"Of course," I thought "Joey's only five, he would get a friend." Yet it shook me to think that kind of intrusion could happen to my own child. Somehow it felt as if he was being taken away from me. It also tore once again at my sense of order. If Joey had a friend too, how could it all be a delusion. It meant this was really happening. I couldn't very well make up a friend for Joey no matter how wild my imagination got. "Curiouser and curiouser." I thought. I walked over and held Jessie in my arms 'till she stopped shaking. I handed her a tissue and poured her another cup of coffee.

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